House of Scorpio

My last few calls had been cake. Not bad. Maybe I even thought I was just a super awesome doctor/efficiency master. And then I’d return to clinic, where reality would set in. But no matter: call was not so bad.

Then it was my Hospital Week.

At no time during Hospital Week did I have fewer than 9 patients to round on in 5 hours, and often more like 15. Most of them had pyelonephritis and were vomiting. Rounding on those patients was totally do-able. I am totally awesome at treating uncomplicated pyelonephritis and vomiting.

Except that I was also in charge of all 30ish-week twin pregnancies who may or may not have been in labor and needed to be evaluated and possibly transferred to the University for seeing spots and having their right hand spontaneously weaken vs. having their bag of waters rupture prematurely. Of which there were 3. During which I was also in charge of all placental abruptions at 35 weeks bleeding half of their blood volume into the bed. Of which there was thankfully only 1.  And of all of the babies who seemed to be doing very well but then immediately prior to discharge developed extremely high bilirubin levels. Of which there were also 3. Or 27. I lost track.

And also of teaching residents. And of taking the amniotic fluid samples to the lab downstairs 55 times because the bulb is out on the microscope on Labor and Delivery.

And of locking my keys in the car in the middle of the night with the car running and not noticing until I came back out after a delivery.

“It’s crazy around here,” I mused as I sat next to a nurse. She was scanning through the computer. “Yeah. It’s the Supermoon, which is in the house of Scorpio. Or something like that.”

Obviously. That explains everything.