The Zoo

Today we went to the zoo for T.P.’s fourth birthday. Standing by the bright blue sea lion pool, I held Beastie up so she could see. She watched all the swimming. I took her little hand with all its little knuckle dimples and kissed it, inhaling a bouquet of sticky ice cream, dirt, and all the love I’ve ever had.

My heart stopped beating. My tongue was like a fat seal stuck somewhere in my throat. My eyes burned.

I thought myself 20, heck, even 2 years in the future. It will be here before I have time to breathe again. This baby will be gone, a child, a woman in her place.

Dammit. No crying next to the sea lion tank, okay? I’m pretty sure that’s a posted rule.

We moved on to look for wallabies. I spent the next 30 minutes, in those exact 30 minutes. And that is the best thing I did all week. My proudest achievement. I was there. Fully there with my kids.

The wallaby was missing, though.