Weekend notes (week 3)

Bed catches baby. I'm still falling.

Had my first call all on my own over the weekend.  Well, actually wasn't all on my own because I was supervising a resident.  It went as follows: couplets discharged home: 1. Term NSVD: 1.  Breech PPROM transferred out for higher level of care: 1.  Babies delivered by bed: 1.  In some ways it felt very natural.  Babies have been being born for the history of humankind despite our attempts to manage the process.  It's a little weird being the attending.  Now I was the one responsible for ensuring a patient was stable for transfer.  I was the one reading the strip (all were good this time).  I had to choose how much to interfere with the resident's delivery and thought process.  She was very gracious. 

I spent a few hours at home, and actually got a good nap in the afternoon with the kids.  But every time there was something going on I felt I needed to be there.  Get this: I spent 10pm to 1am waiting for a lady to deliver, which I was certain was going to happen at any moment.  And then she delivered in the bed while we were across the hall.  So, I guess I was right.  About the imminence, anyway.

Today is Tuesday, 2 weeks from when I saw my first patient here.  Went out with the other newbies to one of those restaurants with a funny Asian play-on-words name.  We talked about where we were from, what our partners did, how we feel supervising residents.  It was a great start.  I need that.  I feel so lost sometimes in such a new place without any anchor.  I used to think I was a solid person in myself.  No more.  I feel like a flighty rabbit, or chicken.  Or piece of paper blown around in the wind.  Or hamster.  Something anyway.  I know I need to cut back on coffee.  I know.  But there's an emptiness I'm trying to fill with constant moving about. Searching facebook. Email. Overanalyzing emails. Texting. Running in and out of clinic rooms. Calling the internet company incessantly.

I feel best when I'm running or hiking.  I need to do that, and not drink coffee anymore.  Right.  Will get right on that.